Sticky love

It's been a long day. Against my better judgment, I've been trading sleeping time for reading and writing time. Tonight's reading is theophiliacs, which calls itself "the most prestigious post-evangelical tea party in the Twin Cities." A friend from the college newspaper days is a regular contributor. I can't tell if they're a big deal or not. Who cares? This blog is rocking.

The type of conversation at theophiliacs is akin to the "behind closed doors" discussions you might hear in a seminary library-- deconstructing culture and faith to its most ancient roots, no matter what "sacred cow" must be slaughtered on the way. Idealistic, of course, and a little pragmatic. I did enjoy the post "10 Things Christianity Must Do." It's a wish list for a Church we may never see. Yet, we must hope.

As I drifted off to sleep, another writer began to take the stage. This time, the writings of Paul washed over my mind. Tonight, the Apostle's words provoked in me a certain dissonance. I felt the familiar and disconcerting sensation of being so close to the Truth yet missing the essence, the takeaway.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Col 3:12-14

And I ask myself, what is this Love, this adhesive which skillfully binds these virtuous elements?
I tossed and turned, because I had lost the point. And then I remembered his words "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Jn 15:13

Sacrifice is a virtue, no doubt. Yet, this verse is missing the essence of Jesus' sacrifice. Paul clarifies the matter in Romans.

"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Rom 5:7-8

So, Jesus had a good idea that his sacrifice would be accepted by many, as his prayer in the same chapter of John indicates. Yet, the Romans passage tells us that he also knew that some would not accept the message.

It's not love for love's sake but love for Christ' sake. Maybe, Jesus is saying, "I laid down my life for you in hopes that you would do the same for me someday." It's not that our sacrifice would justify us before God, but perhaps our sacrifice would endear us to our Creator?

So, as I drift off to sleep, I will imagine what empathy I could show to God, if anything. It seems like he has been trying to help me understand how he feels, and that scares me. If God does have feelings, I might need to do things differently.

I think the god I made, the god without feelings, is sick. I think he's really sick. I can feel him dying inside me right now.

He who remains is alive, gleaming like the sun, ready to receive me now. It's taken all night to kill the god of my own creation, but he's dead now. So I can sleep.

Massive he remains. Smaller I shrink.

Big God. Big Love.