the hunter becomes the hunted

last night's sermon at mosaic was about faithfulness, and the famous geyser was on display. we also talked about david the second king of the hebrews. these guys used papyrus for TP if you know what i mean. they were ballers. but that was later in life. it really got me thinking, though, about david's early life as a shepherd, about the lion and the bear David had to fight before he was "ready" to kill Goliath. wait, what? for a moment i snapped out of the fairy tale daze i usually sit in during sermons and was like, "really?" was david endowed with superhuman strength on account of his friendship with yahweh? was david some type of jedi? either the account is legendary, which i'll admit is possible, or true. then, i dug up this.

Lift

I take most of my life metaphors from aviation. There's something about leaving the comfort of the ground that so describes the joys and sorrows of life. All the "white-knuckled flights" of our lives build character, and any landing you walk away from is a good one. There's no substitute for experience. You get scared later, and you have to plan to succeed. Booze rarely helps, and while courage is a plus, macho=stupid. Ask for help. Trust your gut. Remember to thank those who help you along the way. A little prudence goes a long way, but if you want to leave the ground, you have to fly!

Rejection vs grace

I'm writing because I think someone may benefit. Even one person would be well worth it. I want to do my part to get the truth out there.

In Fall 2007, after years of experiencing drastic and unfruitful ups and downs in my Christian walk, at school I took a Galatians Thessalonians Bible literature class with Pastor Craig Krueger, who leads Sojourn Campus Church at the UofM. Craig is a smart guy, and I really connected with his teaching style. Halfway through the class, we arrived in Galatians 5, and Pastor Craig ended the day's lecture describing the difference between Enlightenment-style freedom and the freedom we have in Christ.

Enlightenment freedom: self-oriented, humanistic, freedom to live as one pleases
Freedom in Christ: others-oriented, freedom from law, freedom to love

Something inside me switched on, and I couldn't move. I sat in my chair, my mind streaming with thoughts, until everyone had left. I realized that when I choose to follow Christ, all my efforts are like worthless rags. I felt humbled and free from the legalistic mindset that I must "purify" or "save myself" from trouble. In essence, I "let go and let God."

The next few months of my life were beautiful and full of grace! I spent my days praying and seeking the Lord. I developed closer and more meaningful relationships with other believers. I had words to say about things. I knew they were from the Lord, and I knew it was He, not me, working (and more importantly, receiving the glory!)

My closest friends know very well that my "grace encounter" changed my entire life, but since then I have revisited the past. As I grow closer to wonderful and godly woman, I have seen tendencies surface for perfectionism, striving and self-absorption. In short, although I was walking in wonderful things of the Lord and falling in love with woman who complements me in every way, I was unable to enjoy most of it.

I was trying too hard. Way too hard. I was trying to save my life when losing it is the only way to live. I was trying to work on my salvation-- to keep at it long and strong enough that God would keep loving me.

My inner child came to the forefront during this time, and I realized I was not a whole person. I was broken. Unable to receive the love of God or others, I was also unable to fully give it. I struggled with the simple things. I was always watching my back. I was striving.

I shared this with a spiritual mentor and received confirmation that I was struggling with a spirit of rejection. Past experiences had colored my view of the world so that I thought I would need to do something in order to receive love. Rather than accepting the peace of the moment, I struggled to just "be" and allow God to "be" Himself.

Here are the symptoms of rejection:
1) Striving
2) Heaviness
3) Guilt
4) Legal mindset
5) Inability to receive love or connect with God, or fully love others

Here is the freedom of grace:
1) Freedom
2) Acceptance
3) Forgiveness
4) Humility
5) A loving view of God, others and especially self

I am still walking out my healing. My next step is to pray and ask the Lord to bring to mind every person who has ever hurt me so I can release those hurts to the Lord. I believe He will do it. In the meantime, feel able to receive love again. I recently emailed a friend. "Last night was the first time ever I really believed that God (and Kelly) love me for who I am and not in spite of who I am. It was a strange and beautiful experience, like hearing a new foreign language or getting off a plane in Florida in January and feeling the balmy air all around you." That's grace!

So, although in 2007 I found grace, three years would pass before I had the emotional and spiritual understanding to realize why I needed it. As Pastor Craig puts it, "You have to go through the Bible and find all the verses that are too nice. And then, read nothing but those."

Feels good :)

Red-faced

Jesus, welcome to earth
red-faced and wearing
a frail human body
your own, now.

You are not trapped here, no,
leaving is something.
Just say it, something like
I'm Done With You, Kids.

If you want to stay, run.
Swiftly south.
You are a wanted child, and someday, baby Jesus
they will finally find you.

Cry, but don't sweat it.
This isn't your life,
nor your plan.
Cry, but don't let it get to you, child.

What's next is in your Father's hands
and these next few years you will know Him well
and someday you will say with otherworldly confidence:
if you know me, you know Him.

But they'll call you a drunkard and a glutton
a friend of sinners and tax collectors.
Oh, well,
can't please them all.

Someday,
your friend Peter will hear you ask him to, "Feed my sheep"
knowing full well that
you have always done just that.

Jesus, let it all go, everything not from the Father
because it's all about Him now
and you will give your life for these children of his,
these sheep.

Baby, baby,
you're free to live for yourself
or to give it all away.
Welcome to earth.

How to talk to an ornery OTR truck driver who's just about lost his marbles trying to jackknife his rig into the dock

There ain’t no class A minus

So stop all your whining.

Everyone else can do it, so

Put her in gear and move it.

Chock when you’re done,

Bathrooms at the front.

And, DUDE, you could really use some home time

For a shower yourself.

I was there, too

I was there when He put together this thing in my life called the Kingdom, the unshakeable thing called Love. I was there when it happened, and yet I still fail to understand the gravity of what exactly is happening. It's not skepticism that elicits this confusion; it's realizing that I'm living the greatest mystery every conceived: God as Christ in man, for the glory of the Father. This is it. This is my life, just another day, just another chance to live this mystery. I've been commanded to "Walk by faith and not by sight," and I'll do just that today.

I would write you a sonnet

But that would be trying too hard. What am about to say is me, revealed through a keyboard, and published through electrons flying through some silicon circuits. If that isn't enough, you already know what I'm writing as I write, so there's no need to publish. Still, we go forward.

Jesus, I admire you, man. You really did it all. You lived a good life, with a job and maybe some friends to show for it all. You didn't have a wife or kids. Maybe, they wondered about that, but it didn't seem to bother them. I think they liked you, Jesus. I wouldn't say you were popular because I don't know, but I honestly believe you were a friend to many people before you started your public ministry.

And then, your mom came and tapped you on the shoulder, and you didn't want to start yet. But you did, anyway. Jesus, are you a mama's boy? I think that you are. That's not a bad thing; I am, too.

And then, you began pouring yourself out, Jesus. Every day you did. Why, sometimes, I can barely believe the stuff you put up with! Sinful people, unbelieving hearts, a rebellious generation. You just took it in stride; you knew you were here to serve. You didn't worry about yourself; you poured yourself out.

And here I am, Jesus, barely able to contain my love for you. I just suck at loving you. I feel that most days, when Holy Spirit fire doesn't burn a path from my car into the receiving dock where I punch the clock and pray for civility until I can go back home and wonder why I didn't do more for you.

And here I am, Jesus, barely able to contain my excitement for you. Jesus, your wedding is coming soon. You so deserve it, man! I can't wait to see you in your suit, the one you picked out just for the occasion. What will you wear? I'm sure you'll look awesome!

Sometimes, Jesus, I feel you're near and that the world is well. Actually, that's not true. You're near, but the world is not well. The world is swiftly going berserk. I promise you it is, Jesus. There's nothing good about the news that we see; it's all the same empty promises from politicians and no real hope for the future apart from you. Obama who? He's just a dude from Chicago; he's not going to save the whole world unless someone much bigger than him intervenes. Right?

Jesus, you've taught me so much in my short life. You instructed me about your Father's Law, and then you showed me how you would fulfill it. You fulfilled it in me. That's what I'm talking about, man! You really did it! Good job, Jesus! I love the works you've done. They are like fresh water in the mouth of a desert wanderer. Your works all add up to good!

Take these prayers, Jesus, and really think about them, because you deserve praise. No one deserves praise but you. I hope that, today, you see and hear and smell a whole host of people worshipping you in Spirit and in Truth. You deserve it.

Love,

Andrew