Tweens will love it!

Today I got an urge to listen to something cool and fresh, so I grabbed my notebook PC and visited Hannah Montana's website via Disney Channel. They didn't have any music, but I did spot an ad for "Tween Fashion". I thought it was a joke, but I noticed a Target URL. Friends, I kid you not: Target has a 22 page E-catalog for tweens-- you know, those munchkins who can't quite fill Juniors styles but are too cool to be seen in Kids. It's a good move. Tweens have money from babysitting, and they need clothes as well. Everyone wins.

It's all good until you see the teeth shining like sharpened steel in the dark, and then NICHE MARKETING EATS YOUR CHILDREN. That's right: marketers know more about us than Big Brother and Karl Rove combined, and once they find you, they'll consume you and your tweens whole, spitting the bones into the corner in a small altar of human byproducts. So, thanks, Target. I'm simultaneously appalled and impressed. That's a feat almost greater than the development of your entire Tween product line.

Absurdity and my everpresent melodrama aside, niche marketing is the next phase in the war for your paycheck. Check out the book Microtrends by marketing guru Mark Penn. Penn was the guy who discovered "soccer moms" for Clinton in 1996. The book is soft-science at best, leaning heavily on conjecture but still relying on solid numbers to form the backbone of the work. New marketing means taking judicious chances, so no one's canonizing this one yet.

I've listened to the Hannah Montana song "Nobody's Perfect" four times during the composition of this blog, just to see what happens. I've remained outwardly compliant, yet I can feel the anger growing inside me. As well, my head is beginning to throb.