Changin' lanes

Shift. 

You thought it was about you.

Shift.

Then, it's more than two.

Shift.

This little person has soul.

Shift.

How did I ever get this old?

An encouragement for desert wanderers

Huacachina Oasis in southern Peru. A small village (pop. 115)

This personal blog is a response to the 7/11/12 teaching of @YoungAdultsEcc, a ministry of  @EmmanuelMN.
An encouragement for those of us in the desert: we can THRIVE where most cannot even survive.

Here's why . . . According to the Bible (Exodus 15, Deuteronomy 33, Judges 5), Yahweh (God's personal name he gave to Moses) was a warrior God who came from the desert of the South. Now, today we understand that God is the Father of Jesus Christ, His Son (Galatians 4:4-5), but back then they needed a way to identify God from the false gods. In the days of the the exodus from Egypt, polytheism prevailed-- many gods and goddesses acting wildly and starting all sorts of trouble. 

So God, a warrior of Love, not only survives in the desert-- He thrives in the desert. God's job is hard, but He's not tired! God is not like us, with our weaknesses and shortcomings. He is Love (1 Jn 4:8). Last night after service as Kelly and I fell asleep I felt the love of God SO strongly. For those of you know us, you know we are walking through prolonged periods of uncertainty that keep us praying (and we appreciate your prayers as well) and humbled. But we KNOW He'll keep taking care of us, no matter what!

The next time you feel discouraged and defeated, the hot sun of life beating down on your cracked lips, remember the One who created an entire ecology of plants, animals and insects who thrive in this environment. And remember that you for times in your life you are like one of these creatures. The desert may be dangerous and uncomfortable, but you were made to THRIVE there, for a time.

Review from Pastor Brian @btalso:
1. Consider your focus- remember Wrong Way Riegels!
2. Check your motives. Heart motives matter to God.
3. Consider your maturity level. Some things we are not ready for.
  
Reminder: The desert is uncomfortable, not impossible. Don't forget grace. We can do nothing without God; we can do everything with Him!

Bottom line: God takes people into the desert to renew their intimacy with Him and remind them of their dependence on His love. Your desert is a training ground. The one who took you there will also lead you out. What is uncomfortable will only make you stronger.

Application:

Desert traveler, I pray you eat, drink and are strengthened today. I pray you are confident of your status as a forgiven and blood-bought son or daughter of God. May your whole person soak up the strength that only comes from waiting on the Lord. Though the desert surrounds you, may your heart not faint!

Food: The Word (2 Tim 3:16)
Water: The Spirit (John 7:37-39)
Shelter: The Shadow of His Wings (Psalm 17:8)
Clothing: The Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18)

The world has none of these things. Will you take a risk today and step out of your comfort zone to help someone in need? A kind word can go a long way for the overworked single mother whose husband just left her. For the teen who is cutting, their pain shows on the outside, but your prayers and love can reach their insides. For your co-worker whose life is a neverending party, who will they turn to when the party ends? Remember, believers are not the only ones who go through deserts in life; we are the only ones who can THRIVE in them.

No student is greater than his master. Jesus is the greatest!

the hunter becomes the hunted

last night's sermon at mosaic was about faithfulness, and the famous geyser was on display. we also talked about david the second king of the hebrews. these guys used papyrus for TP if you know what i mean. they were ballers. but that was later in life. it really got me thinking, though, about david's early life as a shepherd, about the lion and the bear David had to fight before he was "ready" to kill Goliath. wait, what? for a moment i snapped out of the fairy tale daze i usually sit in during sermons and was like, "really?" was david endowed with superhuman strength on account of his friendship with yahweh? was david some type of jedi? either the account is legendary, which i'll admit is possible, or true. then, i dug up this.

Lift

I take most of my life metaphors from aviation. There's something about leaving the comfort of the ground that so describes the joys and sorrows of life. All the "white-knuckled flights" of our lives build character, and any landing you walk away from is a good one. There's no substitute for experience. You get scared later, and you have to plan to succeed. Booze rarely helps, and while courage is a plus, macho=stupid. Ask for help. Trust your gut. Remember to thank those who help you along the way. A little prudence goes a long way, but if you want to leave the ground, you have to fly!

Rejection vs grace

I'm writing because I think someone may benefit. Even one person would be well worth it. I want to do my part to get the truth out there.

In Fall 2007, after years of experiencing drastic and unfruitful ups and downs in my Christian walk, at school I took a Galatians Thessalonians Bible literature class with Pastor Craig Krueger, who leads Sojourn Campus Church at the UofM. Craig is a smart guy, and I really connected with his teaching style. Halfway through the class, we arrived in Galatians 5, and Pastor Craig ended the day's lecture describing the difference between Enlightenment-style freedom and the freedom we have in Christ.

Enlightenment freedom: self-oriented, humanistic, freedom to live as one pleases
Freedom in Christ: others-oriented, freedom from law, freedom to love

Something inside me switched on, and I couldn't move. I sat in my chair, my mind streaming with thoughts, until everyone had left. I realized that when I choose to follow Christ, all my efforts are like worthless rags. I felt humbled and free from the legalistic mindset that I must "purify" or "save myself" from trouble. In essence, I "let go and let God."

The next few months of my life were beautiful and full of grace! I spent my days praying and seeking the Lord. I developed closer and more meaningful relationships with other believers. I had words to say about things. I knew they were from the Lord, and I knew it was He, not me, working (and more importantly, receiving the glory!)

My closest friends know very well that my "grace encounter" changed my entire life, but since then I have revisited the past. As I grow closer to wonderful and godly woman, I have seen tendencies surface for perfectionism, striving and self-absorption. In short, although I was walking in wonderful things of the Lord and falling in love with woman who complements me in every way, I was unable to enjoy most of it.

I was trying too hard. Way too hard. I was trying to save my life when losing it is the only way to live. I was trying to work on my salvation-- to keep at it long and strong enough that God would keep loving me.

My inner child came to the forefront during this time, and I realized I was not a whole person. I was broken. Unable to receive the love of God or others, I was also unable to fully give it. I struggled with the simple things. I was always watching my back. I was striving.

I shared this with a spiritual mentor and received confirmation that I was struggling with a spirit of rejection. Past experiences had colored my view of the world so that I thought I would need to do something in order to receive love. Rather than accepting the peace of the moment, I struggled to just "be" and allow God to "be" Himself.

Here are the symptoms of rejection:
1) Striving
2) Heaviness
3) Guilt
4) Legal mindset
5) Inability to receive love or connect with God, or fully love others

Here is the freedom of grace:
1) Freedom
2) Acceptance
3) Forgiveness
4) Humility
5) A loving view of God, others and especially self

I am still walking out my healing. My next step is to pray and ask the Lord to bring to mind every person who has ever hurt me so I can release those hurts to the Lord. I believe He will do it. In the meantime, feel able to receive love again. I recently emailed a friend. "Last night was the first time ever I really believed that God (and Kelly) love me for who I am and not in spite of who I am. It was a strange and beautiful experience, like hearing a new foreign language or getting off a plane in Florida in January and feeling the balmy air all around you." That's grace!

So, although in 2007 I found grace, three years would pass before I had the emotional and spiritual understanding to realize why I needed it. As Pastor Craig puts it, "You have to go through the Bible and find all the verses that are too nice. And then, read nothing but those."

Feels good :)

Red-faced

Jesus, welcome to earth
red-faced and wearing
a frail human body
your own, now.

You are not trapped here, no,
leaving is something.
Just say it, something like
I'm Done With You, Kids.

If you want to stay, run.
Swiftly south.
You are a wanted child, and someday, baby Jesus
they will finally find you.

Cry, but don't sweat it.
This isn't your life,
nor your plan.
Cry, but don't let it get to you, child.

What's next is in your Father's hands
and these next few years you will know Him well
and someday you will say with otherworldly confidence:
if you know me, you know Him.

But they'll call you a drunkard and a glutton
a friend of sinners and tax collectors.
Oh, well,
can't please them all.

Someday,
your friend Peter will hear you ask him to, "Feed my sheep"
knowing full well that
you have always done just that.

Jesus, let it all go, everything not from the Father
because it's all about Him now
and you will give your life for these children of his,
these sheep.

Baby, baby,
you're free to live for yourself
or to give it all away.
Welcome to earth.

How to talk to an ornery OTR truck driver who's just about lost his marbles trying to jackknife his rig into the dock

There ain’t no class A minus

So stop all your whining.

Everyone else can do it, so

Put her in gear and move it.

Chock when you’re done,

Bathrooms at the front.

And, DUDE, you could really use some home time

For a shower yourself.

I was there, too

I was there when He put together this thing in my life called the Kingdom, the unshakeable thing called Love. I was there when it happened, and yet I still fail to understand the gravity of what exactly is happening. It's not skepticism that elicits this confusion; it's realizing that I'm living the greatest mystery every conceived: God as Christ in man, for the glory of the Father. This is it. This is my life, just another day, just another chance to live this mystery. I've been commanded to "Walk by faith and not by sight," and I'll do just that today.

I would write you a sonnet

But that would be trying too hard. What am about to say is me, revealed through a keyboard, and published through electrons flying through some silicon circuits. If that isn't enough, you already know what I'm writing as I write, so there's no need to publish. Still, we go forward.

Jesus, I admire you, man. You really did it all. You lived a good life, with a job and maybe some friends to show for it all. You didn't have a wife or kids. Maybe, they wondered about that, but it didn't seem to bother them. I think they liked you, Jesus. I wouldn't say you were popular because I don't know, but I honestly believe you were a friend to many people before you started your public ministry.

And then, your mom came and tapped you on the shoulder, and you didn't want to start yet. But you did, anyway. Jesus, are you a mama's boy? I think that you are. That's not a bad thing; I am, too.

And then, you began pouring yourself out, Jesus. Every day you did. Why, sometimes, I can barely believe the stuff you put up with! Sinful people, unbelieving hearts, a rebellious generation. You just took it in stride; you knew you were here to serve. You didn't worry about yourself; you poured yourself out.

And here I am, Jesus, barely able to contain my love for you. I just suck at loving you. I feel that most days, when Holy Spirit fire doesn't burn a path from my car into the receiving dock where I punch the clock and pray for civility until I can go back home and wonder why I didn't do more for you.

And here I am, Jesus, barely able to contain my excitement for you. Jesus, your wedding is coming soon. You so deserve it, man! I can't wait to see you in your suit, the one you picked out just for the occasion. What will you wear? I'm sure you'll look awesome!

Sometimes, Jesus, I feel you're near and that the world is well. Actually, that's not true. You're near, but the world is not well. The world is swiftly going berserk. I promise you it is, Jesus. There's nothing good about the news that we see; it's all the same empty promises from politicians and no real hope for the future apart from you. Obama who? He's just a dude from Chicago; he's not going to save the whole world unless someone much bigger than him intervenes. Right?

Jesus, you've taught me so much in my short life. You instructed me about your Father's Law, and then you showed me how you would fulfill it. You fulfilled it in me. That's what I'm talking about, man! You really did it! Good job, Jesus! I love the works you've done. They are like fresh water in the mouth of a desert wanderer. Your works all add up to good!

Take these prayers, Jesus, and really think about them, because you deserve praise. No one deserves praise but you. I hope that, today, you see and hear and smell a whole host of people worshipping you in Spirit and in Truth. You deserve it.

Love,

Andrew

This is what you get

I'll tell you what I'll tell you, I'll tell it, and then I'll tell you what I told you.

God is faithful.

Many of the Christ follower's struggles come from wrong perceptions or beliefs about the character of God. Simply, we do not believe he is who he says he is. This lack of faith is unbelief, and unbelief is a sin. It's a crippling sin, too, because faith is what the ancients were commended for. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. No faith, no commendation, but if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us.

God is faithful.

My prayer: That I might rise up from the decay of mediocrity into the truth of Christ, the Word and the Son of God. Christ is Lord over all things. I submit to his purposes. I think not of myself, in the end, but of Him and his calling. Presently, there is nothing I want more than to find myself on the receiving end of this prayer. Until then, God is faithful.

Together Again ... Newly

Dear God,

I make a bad show of following you, I really do. Because my life feels like a rollercoaster, and not the smooth kind with sexy inversions and air brakes that hiss pleasingly as the kids' screaming fades to laughter and smiles.

My roller coaster is the Chiropractor's Special, that 4:59 minute ride that jars every bone in your body at least ten times. My roller coaster is wooden, a bit mysterious and only ridden often by the kids who are too lazy to wait in lines.

I feel this way, I really do, like my attempts to follow you take me down the iron track of a vicious wooden monster. And so, to cope with the roller coaster, I turn to God. And back to God. And back to God again.

But what about the Gospel I know and believe? What about that? What does the Gospel have to do with the roller coaster? Well, not much, because the Gospel is about sin and salvation of the entire human race, not one person's struggle for significance and inner peace in his or her day-to-day life.

And I've struggled, for some time, with thoughts of selfishness when I know I ought to be selfless. I ought to give all I am for this Gospel, but instead I am inside my head. I'm perfectly content with who I am, I suppose. I'm a good and moral person; I lack in some ways. But there's this Gospel there, that calls me to follow Christ and spread the good news in ways that are unbelievable. Dead shall be raised. Blind shall see. Faith like a child shall rule the day.

I feel like a pile of crap because my brothers and sisters around the world are just fighting for bread, for freedom and for their lost countrymen. I so want to join in the fight, but I feel to rich, spoiled and selfish to even know where to start.

I suppose I shouldn't start with me or what I bring. For if I bring $1 million or $1, I bring me, all of me. That's all I can bring. I bring my love, my respect, my kindness, my ability to persevere, my sense of duty and significance, my wisdom, my hope, my peace, my joy. I bring all these things, by the grace of God.

I bring myself, just as I am. And that is always enough.

This time around, I bring myself, but it's not about me. I choose to go forward.

But I can't. Because I've been riding this coaster for a couple weeks now, and all I know is I want to get off. I don't know how. God will have to take me off. God will have to help me. I could keep writing, or I could start praying. The choice is entirely mine.

I choose the latter.

Love,
Andrew, your human/perfectionist son

p.s. Maybe this prayer/letter is too personal for a blog, but nobody reads this anyway!

Evil days

Positively, wherever you go, there you will be
But if you are asked to leave that place,
Don't hesitate.
Don't wait.
Run.
Fly.
GO!

Deity

a poem by John F. Deane

Unholy we sang this morning, and prayed
as if we were not broken, crooked
the Christ-figure hung, splayed
on bloodied beams above us;
devious God, dweller in shadows,
mercy on us;
immortal, cross-shattered Christ--
your gentling grace down upon us.

Side story: The 2009 Tour de France

I don't keep photo albums, but occasionally I file away a memorable image. Something like the above pic has staying power for me. It's two brothers and a Spanish guy who climbs like a mountain goat that's been puffing meth.

A caption might read: "With the hopes of Team Saxo Bank on the line, Andy Schleck pulls brother Frank (Saxo Bank) and archrival Contador (Astana)."

By scheduling the gnarliest climb stage 'till the second to last day, the 2009 Tour de France organizers saved the best action for last, assuring better TV ratings and more overall interest. By delaying the fireworks, the best riders would save their most brilliant moves for last, as the final stage in Paris is more-or-less a parade on the Champs d'Elysse.

On that penultimate day, Spanish prodigy Alberto Contador, already winner of the 2006 TdF by default [American Floyd Landis was DQed for doping], held several minutes over Andy Shleck in the general classification. Seven-time Tour winner Lance Armstrong, whose gray hairs now peek out from under his cycling cap, held third at the age of 37. Britain's Brad Wiggins, new to the Tour after winning a gold medal in track cycling in Beijing, was a nice surprise in fourth, especially for Garmin Slipstream fans like this blogger. Wiggins had a minute and change over Frank, the elder Schleck, who rounded out the top 5.

The Schlecks promised they would attack on the penultimate day. They would lose Lance and Wiggins. They would weaken Contador. They would carry out their plan to disrupt Astana's dominance.

So, the Top 5, in review: two Astanas (1 and 3), two Saxo Banks (2 and 5) and a British guy riding for an American team and hanging on for dear life!

The scene of the shootout? Perfectly horrid.

"It's more like the moon than a mountain," Lance Armstrong once said of it, and with its lack of vegetation, abundance of rocks and desolate, intimidating atmosphere, it's an apt description.

It's been the scene of meltdowns, breakdowns and even death.

Britain's Tom Simpson, the first Anglo Saxon to lead the race, died there in 1967 on a 43-degree day. -ABC Sport

So, Andy saved all his guile and vengeance for Ventoux.

He delivered. Ventoux is a bald mountain that kills people, and Shleck was riding it like a rented horse. At 24 years of age, his thin arms guiding his Specialized S3 up the windswept mountain, Andy's aggressive attacks shredded the entire field.

Only two riders on a long breakaway escaped Shleck's briliance: Spaniard Manuel Garate (Rabo Bank) and German Tony Martin (Columbia-HTC). Garate won the stage, but look for the latter rider in GC contention someday-- what a ride from the 24-year old.

Despite his brilliance on Ventoux, at no point did Andy Shleck appear to test Contador's otherwordly climbing abilities. Contador matched every attack, his yellow shoes dancing on the pedals of his Trek Madone. Contador made Ventoux look easy.

In the end, despite repeated attacks, Team Schleck failed to unseat Astana. Contador lost no time, Lance held onto 3rd, and Garmin Slipstream rider Wiggins somehow squeezed by Frank Schleck with three seconds in the GC.

Frank looked flat; he never dropped Armstrong, despite Andy's repeated attempts to open a hole.

Combine Contador's newfound skill in the time trials (he won the final TT), and you have a crystal clear picture of why any rider, let alone the confident Schleck, may not dethrone Contador for some time.

I saw three quarters of the TdF coverage, and I saw Contador grimace-- once. He made the rest of the mind-bending Tour looked easy, even his dash up Ventoux. In fact, Contador said that, with the internal tension between he and teammate Lance Armstrong, he had more trouble in the hotel than the road. I believe it.

Today, Contador finally spoke candidly about his strained relationship with Armstrong. The truth comes out, and it sounds ugly.

My advice to Contador: work on your English some, so you can talk to the media in the world's second language of choice; join Spanish squad Caisse D'Epargne, where it's rumored you'll go to ride with your buddy Luis Leon Sanchez; and don't cross Armstrong.

Everything 80s American cycling legend Greg LeMond was-- that chip-shouldered Yank with legs to back the mouth-- I think Lance is more. And he's riding next year, at 38 years of age, with his Blackberry chirping today with texts from riders interested in riding with his new team, backed by Fort Worth, Tex.-based Radio Shack.

It's too early to say whether Lance can attract enough talent to take on Garmin Slipstream (now officially as hot as the red sauce at Chipotle) or Saxo Bank (Swiss time trial champ Fabian Cancellara + Schlecks), but one thing is certain: Lance would love to take a yellow from Contador.

Enjoy your splendid victory, Alberto. You were bulletproof this Tour, but remember that someday you'll be Lance, 37 and legs aching all the way up the bald mountain of death.

Quote of the Day (7/25/09)

"The real question you have to ask yourself is, 'Are you willing to exist or are you willing to be special'? And special is not what someone else thinks of you but what you think of yourself." -Malcolm Bricklin

Nowhere to be

University of Minnesota's Dinkytown, intersection of cultures. You're never far from someone

Studying.

Walking.

Running.

She dressed in black, some working garb. Nervous, glancing over her shoulder.

He was also dressed in black, some street garb.

She sat in my booth and asked for sanctuary, and he (the hassling man) was gone.

A handshake. She warmed.

Her English. Okay.

My Mandarin. I squeezed my fingers together to make the universal symbol for "None."

She laughed. We chatted. My Bible was open.

Her heart was open. It's funny. In two days, I'll be meeting an old college buddy, Jim Tilus. He's ministering to Chinese students at the UofM. Small world.

Dinkytown, nowhere to be. Be where you are; watch what happens.

-ADB

Quote of the Day (7/20/09)

"It was in the back of the bus in Guatemala, sitting with six people from Solomon's Porch, that it became clear to me. All of us were under age 35 (most under 28), and all of us quite versed in debt management and living off of "barely enough." Here we were, in a terribly poor part of a poor country, building houses for the poorest people, talking about how hard it is to live on what we all make. We were college graduates and teachers, and building contractors, and we concluded that we didn't make enough money. I began to see it clearly: we were all stuck in a consumerist mindset. Our coffee shop and restaurant expenses alone would build housing for the people of this village, if we simply lived on less."

-Doug Pagitt /Founding pastor of Solomon's Porch / Minneapolis, Minn. "The Consumer Trap" Leadership Journal, Fall 2002

How high is your ceiling?

"Twilight on the Prairie" by Gayle Hartman

I am a big picture thinker. I am a big ideas thinker. I'm happiest in the "a-ha" moments of life, when thunderous ideas strike me down to size and fill me with energy.

So, I find of great interest this 2007 study showing that ceiling height impacts thinking. When indoors, a high ceiling induces big picture thinking and creativity. A low ceiling, on the other hand, allows one to pay attention to concrete details.

It's yet more evidence that place matters. In the office, you'll process details with precision and speed. In the coffee shop, where ceilings are usually higher, you'll be inspired to think big and outside the proverbial box, even indoors.

And what of the outdoors, the night sky? If tall ceilings provoke creativity and short ceilings lend themselves to details, what of the 15,000 foot ceiling?

What about the clear, blue night sky?

Perhaps, we ought to spend more time outdoors, our human fragility exposed but our minds buzzing with possibility. I have long maintained that we U.S. Americans are descendants of a frontier people, a campfire crowd, our optimism always on display. It's what makes us who we are, for better or worse.

Aspirational metaphors aside, how high is your ceiling?

St. Ignatius' General Examination of Conscience

Inigo Lopez de Loyola, who later took the name Ignatius, was a Spanish (Basque) soldier of noble birth born in the 15th Century. Wounded in defense of a Spanish fort against the French, his captors were impressed by his courage and took mercy on him. They carried him away from the rubble, to France.

During his healing process in Paris, he began to lead a small band of friends in extended prayer and meditation. Then later the Society of Jesus. Today, those who follow these teachings are known as Jesuits. Three thousands Jesuits live and serve in the United States.

Ignatius' General Examination of Conscience seems to me a wonderful way of examining the "soul aches" or "sins" that can become unresolved sources of guilt.

1. Give thanks to God our Lord for the favors received
2. Ask for the grace to know your sins
3. Examine how you have lived this day
4. Ask forgiveness for any faults
5. Resolve to amend with the grace of God

According to the Jesuits' website,

It may be done at the end of each day, though it can be done more frequently as the person feels drawn. The more frequently performed, however, the more natural it becomes and more a way of growing into an ever-closer relationship with God. It can take anywhere between five and fifteen minutes, although it does not matter how long one spends. The important thing is to open oneself to recognizing and responding to God’s movement in your heart.

The story of Ignatius is a reminder that although growth in prayer is a regular discipline, sometimes a new setting and new challenges can make all the difference between acceptance of a mediocre lifestyle and a new awakening of passion for Jesus.

As I pray, the Holy Spirit challenges me to enjoy to prayer and to deal with my "soul aches," whatever they may be. I feel him leading me to perfect peace and emotional health more than any mystical connection. I'm more aware of God's tender love and mercy for me, and he also gives me "tough love" because I need that, too. I'd rather be honest and open than pray "neutered prayers" that don't lead me any closer to the Truth, so that is how I pray, raw and real.

New look

My old blog, for all that it was, looked like crap. I hope people enjoy this new take. It's warm and rich but still a bit mysterious, as if history and future are aligned for a second under the streetlights.

I'll let a quote launch the new look.

"We must get beyond textbooks, go out into the bypaths... and tell the world the glories of our journey." -John Hope Franklin, Duke Law School

Enjoy.